Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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