Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
