i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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