I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
