whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
