If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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