yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
