I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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