this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
