You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
do nipples grow back?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
