Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
