So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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