Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
