Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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