Buhtt sex?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
