I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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