I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
