his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
