So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
