pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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