I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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