In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
