my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
