once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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