I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
