my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
