Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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