So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
