At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
