I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
