I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
