I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
