if i can run in heels then i can drive
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
