I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
