PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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