just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
