You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
