i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
