Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
