Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
