Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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