Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
