You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
