i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
