dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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