vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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