I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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