just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
