How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
