Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
