Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
