i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
