They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You have to summon your inner elephant
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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