i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
