You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
