i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
