Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
