Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
