I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
