Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
