so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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