I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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