I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
