Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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